Top 10 Lists

Let me explain why I’ve called you all to this page of the website. These Top 10 Lists aren’t in the book Don’t Even Go There. They come from a twisted imagination and are only sometimes related to the truth. And isn’t that the way it should be?

The truth may be a thinly veiled and often not exaggerated set of facts that may ring true, but may not actually be true. Truth is in the eye of the beholder, and Mark has seen things that … well, he’s seen things he often doesn’t want to share.

Take these Top 10 Lists with a grain of salt, but enjoy the deep thought that went into them.

Top 10 Places to Avoid
  1. The Center for Communicable Diseases—especially the backrooms and warehouses
  2. A cattle slaughterhouse, unless you never want to eat beef again
  3. A cigarette-testing laboratory—what Big Tobacco doesn’t want you to see
  4. A pig farm in the middle of August, unless years of smoking have impaired your sense of smell
  5. Your neighborhood police station, unless you’re just there to bail out your roommate
  6. A chum-making factory (gack, cough, sputter)
  7. A sewerage treatment plant, even if you’re likely to learn something
  8. Any disaster area, whether by flood, famine, earthquake, tsunami, or economy
  9. The railing of a boat full of first-time sailors caught in unseasonably large swells
  10. The suburbs—it’s OK to grow up in one since you didn’t have a choice, but leave as soon as you can
Top 10 Places to Get Away from It All
  1. Anywhere in Maine north of Portland
  2. Most any National Park
  3. Alaska
  4. On a cruise boat through the Pacific Ocean
  5. A Siberian work colony
  6. A country where you don’t speak the language
  7. Antarctica
  8. An all-you-can-eat restaurant
  9. The top of Mount Everest
  10. Within a good book
Top 10 Things to Always Pack
  1. Photo ID or passport
  2. Extra money hidden away
  3. Small denominations of cash
  4. Sensible shoes
  5. A plastic bag for dirty laundry
  6. Your camera or phone, and chargers
  7. A hat or rain protection
  8. Toiletries, as condensed as possible
  9. Clothes to wear and discard before returning
  10. Extra socks—you can always go without underwear, but not socks
Mark's Personal Top 10 Favorite Travel Destinations
  1. Someplace he’s never been
  2. Prague, in the Czech Republic
  3. Oktoberfest, in Munich, Germany—twice wasn’t enough
  4. Greece
  5. Cooperstown, NY, but only for a day
  6. Amsterdam, The Netherlands
  7. Penzance, UK
  8. Asheville, NC—where he’s lived for 20+ years
  9. Laguna Beach, CA, when he can afford it
  10. Macau, China